Every Mother: a goddess!

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A Mother is someone who has replicated her life biologically, spiritually or intellectually.  This definition transcends the traditional definition of a Mother, which is limited to physiological reproduction, extending it to encompass the role of the woman who raises children that might not have been biological conceived by her.

As a woman who is raising three biologically conceived children along with two ‘not brought forth from my body’, I am very much aware of the importance of this definition.  Where I come from in Western Africa, a woman’s husband’s children are considered as hers but I found it was not that straight forward when I married a man who had two young children from college dalliances. I was quite determined to raise the children with him because I felt that providence had already given me two children ahead of the marriage, hence our home would not be complete without them.  My reasons were not purely altruistic. They were borne out of my own childhood experience.  When Mother married Father, he already had a child born outside wedlock.  My brother – from a broken engagement – was a great source of heartache to my mother who tried unsuccessfully for years to convince his Mother to let him ‘come live with his sisters and brothers’. It never happened except for a brief stint when I was about 9 years old and by then the damage was done.  He was ideologically and intellectually different from us and very suspicious of my mother.  My father had had not been able to influence him and he already had many behavioral traits that were problematic for our small conservative family. Moreover his mother and some others who did not know Mum had repeatedly told him that Mum could not really be as nice as she made out to be, warning him that he would ultimately find out that she was the proverbial ‘step-witch’.

A few years after he moved in with us, the family prepared to move to another city  just as my brother was  about to leave for college. He had indicated preference for college abroad and Dad agreed, making the arrangements. Dad had his fees paid and bought his ticket, sorting it all out. My brother was to leave for the US a day after the movers came. Although they wondered why they had not heard from him, my parents assumed everything went according to plan until about three weeks afterwards when someone claimed they saw my brother in Ghana where he was said to be trading in gold.  Dad went in search of him.  It turned out my brother had cashed in his ticket, asked the school for a refund and taken the funds off to start a business. ‘Why?!’ Mum asked my father incredulously. It was many years afterwards that my brother admitted to Mum that his mother had convinced him that Mum must have hatched a plot to get him to leave for the US in order to get him out of the way so that he would not inherit Dad’s estate.  As it turned out, Father did not pass away for another thirty odd years after that and my brother never got a college education. Incidentally, considering each one of us - three sons and two daughters - got an equal share of Dad’s estate when he eventually died, we could argue that my half brother actually got a disproportionately larger share in total if we were to add up all the unpaid loans he owed for his hare-brained business deals over the years. Until the day my father passed away three years ago, Mother relentlessly mediated between father and son.  We all lost count of the number of times Dad threatened to cut him off, while Mum pleaded on bent knees as he came back home time after time with the consequences of poor judgment, blowing millions of Naira along the way, which he had loaned from my Father to execute one business or the other. One time, he was remanded in Police custody in yet another business deal gone wrong.  It took Mother weeks of pleading with our exasperated Dad to intervene. In the end, he was released but he soon threw it all in my parents’ face in as many words.  At a point we were convinced that my half brother was on a mission to see how far he could push Dad but Mum’s pleas continued for the simple fact that she feared everyone would blame any major fallout between father and son on her. It seemed as if she spent her life atoning for the ‘sin’ of marrying a man with a child outside wedlock.

This experience left an indelible mark on my mind and when I found myself about to marry a man in similar circumstances, my prayer and mantra during our very short courtship became: ‘Omniscient God, if you know that these children will ever come live with us, please make it sooner than later so they can grow up with their siblings and be one’. God answered that prayer speedily, as the children were generously offered to me a week after our wedding at the ages of 6 and 4 years. I have been raising them for over ten years now.  My conceived children came along in quick succession thereafter and by the end of the fourth year of our marriage I had me five youngins!!

 

 



Comments  

 
0 #5 Belle 2014-10-02 04:11
Hi mates, how is the whole thing, and what you wish for to say about
this article, in my view its actually amazing in favor
of me.
 
 
0 #4 Maalik Aal-Anubia 2010-05-10 16:05
via fb
Thankx for This Moment ...MOM's...
(Moment = Mom's iNtention)

As this MoMent... begins the first moments of the rest of our lives...
On "Mothers Day" Rhetorical Thought... ... See More
Just wanted to share... ♥ ♥ ♥

Some family trees have beautiful leaves, and some have just a bunch of nuts. Remember, The NUTS are the SEEDS... that make the tree worth shaking.

We are expressions of aspects of the Divine... Essence having a human experience.--- I AM / WE ARE... A SEED OF A SEED OF THE SEED..

Every Moment is Mothers Day ... Thankx 2 All wOMb Men... (Women) for going through the pain of death / hell to bring forth our SEED... manifested in experience we all call Life :)
1♥ Be=iN
 
 
0 #3 Maalik Aal-Anubia 2010-05-10 14:28
Thankx for This Moment ...MOM's...
(Moment = Mom's iNtention)

As this MoMent... begins the first moments of the rest of our lives...
On "Mothers Day" Rhetorical Thought...
Just wanted to share... ♥ ♥ ♥

Some family trees have beautiful leaves, and some have just a bunch of nuts. Remember, The NUTS are the SEEDS... that make the tree worth shaking.

We are expressions of aspects of the Divine... Essence having a human experience.--- I AM / WE ARE... A SEED OF A SEED OF THE SEED..

Every Moment is Mothers Day ... Thankx 2 All wOMb Men... (Women) for going through the pain of death / hell to bring forth our SEED... manifested in experience we all call Life :)
1♥ Be=iN
 
 
0 #2 S. Davis-Stevenson 2010-05-10 13:33
via fb
Simply beautiful. Thanks for sharing, FN.
 
 
0 #1 Pauline G 2010-05-10 13:08
Every child deserves unconditional love to nurture and grow. If the biological mother is not there, others can equally do a good job.
 

Last Updated on Tuesday, 21 December 2010 20:10
Written by Ovie Farraday


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